1
00:00:08,720 --> 00:00:12,360
Carvery's on me today, guys.
I got a promotion at Bird Zone.
2
00:00:12,360 --> 00:00:14,760
Well done, man.
What are you doing now?
3
00:00:14,760 --> 00:00:18,280
You are looking at the brand-new
penguin master.
4
00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:22,080
- Phew! - They still got that
fibreglass polar bear there?
5
00:00:22,080 --> 00:00:24,960
- Yes, they do.
- I wanked your cousin off behind that.
6
00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:26,400
Oh.
7
00:00:26,400 --> 00:00:28,440
Come through. Come through.
8
00:00:28,440 --> 00:00:32,440
Stop letting people go ahead of us!
I'm fucking starving!
9
00:00:32,440 --> 00:00:36,440
You must control your base instincts to
reap maximum rewards from the carvery.
10
00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:39,440
Oh, Morph, no-one cares
about your stupid system.
11
00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:43,160
First, like the hunter, you wait
for a moment to pounce,
12
00:00:43,160 --> 00:00:45,440
which is when they bring out
the new turkey.
13
00:00:45,440 --> 00:00:48,320
Then begins the strategy.
14
00:00:48,320 --> 00:00:50,680
Meat goes into the middle.
15
00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:54,480
You're only allowed three,
so ask for turkey, pork and beef.
16
00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:58,480
Then say,
"Oh, I wanted gammon, not pork."
17
00:01:01,920 --> 00:01:04,240
I call that the Carnifour.
18
00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:06,200
Vegetables - baked ones only.
19
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:09,720
Potatoes, parsnips and stuffing.
Be careful with the stuffing,
20
00:01:09,720 --> 00:01:11,520
cos it's always next to the peas.
21
00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:13,920
Arrange sauces
like an artist's palette.
22
00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:16,040
Then most important of all...
23
00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:17,760
the Yorkshire pudding crown.
24
00:01:17,760 --> 00:01:19,760
Add your gravy pond,
and for a bit of fun,
25
00:01:19,760 --> 00:01:23,560
mashed potato ducks.
26
00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:27,560
And that, my friends,
is the perfect carvery.
27
00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:33,040
All I'm trying to say is watch part three
again, cos it's really not that bad.
28
00:01:33,040 --> 00:01:37,040
CHATTER
Come through.
29
00:01:38,920 --> 00:01:42,920
- Fresh meat!
- Fuck it - mine!
30
00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:55,720
- Mmm!
- Ahhh!
31
00:01:55,720 --> 00:01:58,520
- Not eating your carvery, Morph?
- It's not a carvery, is it?
32
00:01:58,520 --> 00:02:01,000
It's an absolute outrage!
33
00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:03,640
- No fucking Yorkshire!
- I'll have it. - No!
34
00:02:03,640 --> 00:02:05,680
We're leaving that as a message.
35
00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:09,040
You know! You fucking know!
36
00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:10,960
Fuck!
37
00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:14,960
Tone it down.
38
00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:17,880
Can we talk?
39
00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:21,880
Might be best.
40
00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:25,680
Hiya.
41
00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:28,080
- So...lately...
- I know.
42
00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:32,080
- I mean, it's not...
- Oh, no, no, no.
43
00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:35,320
Thank God. But you...
44
00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:36,640
Hey.
45
00:02:36,640 --> 00:02:38,680
- Because...
- It's cool.
46
00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:40,640
Well...
47
00:02:40,640 --> 00:02:44,040
You too.
48
00:02:44,040 --> 00:02:47,720
Yeah.
49
00:02:47,720 --> 00:02:50,560
What a bell-end!
Can you believe that?!
50
00:02:50,560 --> 00:02:52,200
Sorry, believe what, exactly?
51
00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:54,680
- I mean, you heard what he said.
- Not really.
52
00:02:54,680 --> 00:02:57,920
We go out together, he moves me in,
we set up a harness, and then...
53
00:02:57,920 --> 00:03:00,920
we break up. He just doesn't know
what he wants.
54
00:03:00,920 --> 00:03:03,080
Alison, if there's anything
I can do...
55
00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:07,080
Oh, I know it's a Sunday, but can
we just get really, really drunk?
56
00:03:07,880 --> 00:03:10,160
Agreed. But not in this pub.
57
00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:14,160
After this carvery debacle, I hope
the staff DIE IN A HOUSE FIRE!
58
00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:17,400
- Bit much, mate!
- Is it, though? Actually, is it?
59
00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:19,520
A carvery without a Yorkshire!
60
00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:21,280
I BITE MY THUMB AT THEE, SIR!
61
00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:25,280
I BITE MY THUMB AT THEE!
62
00:03:36,160 --> 00:03:40,160
- Well, this is it.
- We're gonna have to try... -..the other pub.
63
00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:46,440
No-one goes in the Swan
since they done it up.
64
00:03:46,440 --> 00:03:50,440
I'm sure it'll be fine.
65
00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:12,080
LAUGHTER
66
00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:20,680
MANIC LAUGHTER
67
00:04:20,840 --> 00:04:24,160
Pints, then?
68
00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:26,000
Guys, I don't like it here!
69
00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:27,880
The rugby's on.
70
00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:30,560
Cucumber...water?
71
00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:32,440
Shall we do one?
72
00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:34,520
Guys, we're here for Alison.
73
00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:38,520
So let's pull up a chair.
74
00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:40,600
It's screwed to the floor.
75
00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:44,600
Guys...apparently,
it's table service.
76
00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:49,800
MANIC LAUGHTER ECHOES
77
00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:55,960
Where are we?
78
00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:58,360
FLAMES CRACKLE
79
00:04:58,360 --> 00:05:01,440
Oh! This should be comfortable,
but it isn't.
80
00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:04,520
- What?
- I said...
81
00:05:04,520 --> 00:05:08,520
- We should be able to talk.
- What the fuck is that?
82
00:05:09,960 --> 00:05:11,560
- Are you Facebook stalking him?
- No!
83
00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:13,160
I'm on his porn hub.
84
00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:15,120
Would you like any olives?
85
00:05:15,120 --> 00:05:17,840
- Do we have to pay for olives?
- Yes.
86
00:05:17,840 --> 00:05:19,320
Then...no.
87
00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:21,880
Er, guys, promotion!
88
00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:25,880
We will have the olives, my love,
and some fucking wasabi peanuts.
89
00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:33,360
Oh, shit!
90
00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:36,040
Don't look. Don't look.
It's Alistair from school.
91
00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:38,800
- Oh, fuck, I'd forgotten about him.
- He's such a loser.
92
00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:41,720
He's always following me around,
wanting to hang out with me.
93
00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:45,600
So his mum phoned my mum and he came round
to my house then pissed in my paddling pool.
94
00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:49,600
I told him to stop pissing, but he kept
on going and smiling at me like a Moomin.
95
00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:51,520
Oh, my God!
96
00:05:51,520 --> 00:05:53,440
What are you guys doing here?
97
00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:55,240
Just thinking about leaving actually.
98
00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:58,160
When was the last time we were
all together? Probably school.
99
00:05:58,160 --> 00:06:02,000
That old building we used to go to
every day, having lessons!
100
00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:04,000
SARKY LAUGHTER
I went past it the other day.
101
00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:05,440
Still there!
102
00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:07,200
It is, isn't it?
103
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:10,880
And I saw Mrs Ryan the other week,
getting some petrol. Mental!
104
00:06:10,880 --> 00:06:12,840
Mate, we're trying to have a drink,
so...
105
00:06:12,840 --> 00:06:15,200
Me too. We should have one together.
106
00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:17,280
I'd rather suck Morpheus's cock.
107
00:06:17,280 --> 00:06:21,040
Whoa!
108
00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:22,720
Blackwell! Still on form!
109
00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:24,240
Is anyone sitting here?
110
00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:28,120
- So, what are you doing at the moment?
- Er, well, actually,
111
00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:30,080
I'm penguin master at Bird Zone.
112
00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:33,240
- That's great, mate!
- Yeah. Things turned out pretty all right.
113
00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:35,800
So what are you up to,
then, Alistair from school?
114
00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:37,960
I mean, Alistair from now.
115
00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:41,960
Oh, um...I'm the landlord in here.
LAUGHTER
116
00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:44,800
Nom, you're not. You work
at the fucking Co-op!
117
00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:48,200
When I was doing my BTEC. Then
I saved up, bought this place.
118
00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:49,960
You run a bloody pub?
119
00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:52,160
- You're 20 fucking 4!
- I know, yeah!
120
00:06:52,160 --> 00:06:55,880
And we've just had a refurb, so we've
now got Giant Jenga, Dyson Airblade...
121
00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:58,280
And weird fake candles.
122
00:06:58,280 --> 00:07:01,080
We've even got a hot tub
out the back. Crazy!
123
00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:03,600
Hats off to you Alistair!
I run a small business myself.
124
00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:06,080
I know how bloody hard it can be.
125
00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:08,160
Annual tax returns. Oh!
126
00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:09,640
Annual?!
127
00:07:09,640 --> 00:07:13,200
- Here are your olives.
- Thank you, Rosalita.
128
00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:15,120
Rosalita's from Leicester.
129
00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:17,480
Bloody hell!
130
00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:19,720
- Guys, my treat.
- Don't be silly!
131
00:07:19,720 --> 00:07:23,520
- These are on the house. - I can pay for
my own fucking drinks. I'm penguin master.
132
00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:27,280
- Bloody hell!
- Come on. Take a drink from an old friend.
133
00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:31,280
You're not our friend!
You're a fucking Moomin.
134
00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:38,080
Blackwell!
135
00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:44,560
I will have all the shots, please.
136
00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:47,960
He's not even that fit, is he?
137
00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:49,840
Delete. Delete.
138
00:07:49,840 --> 00:07:51,480
Revenge porn.
139
00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:52,840
Delete.
140
00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:56,560
So...about the holy man.
141
00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:58,400
Not sure he was ever right for you.
142
00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:00,800
Maybe I was punching above my weight.
143
00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:02,720
He's so sophisticated.
144
00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:04,720
Whatever he is, he's history.
145
00:08:04,720 --> 00:08:08,720
I think you should jump straight back on
the horse. Maybe a bigger, sturdier horse.
146
00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:11,920
- Like a rebound?
- Exactly!
147
00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:15,920
Well, to begin with. It starts with
a rebound, then you slowly realise...
148
00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:39,080
- Right in the holy man's face!
- What...?
149
00:08:39,080 --> 00:08:42,400
Sorry, Morph. I just want to see
that skinny bastard suffer.
150
00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:45,160
Oh, right, see that skinny bastard
suffer, yeah.
151
00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:47,480
Could you pretend to be my boyfriend?
152
00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:50,120
Yes, please.
With all of my heart, yes!
153
00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:52,160
Excuse me!
154
00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:56,160
- So what happens now - another kiss?
- He's coming over. Put your arm round me. - OK.
155
00:08:56,320 --> 00:08:57,640
- One arm.
- Got it.
156
00:08:57,640 --> 00:08:59,280
Er...
157
00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:02,040
So, you are, um...
158
00:09:02,040 --> 00:09:04,600
- with him now.
- Absolutely.
159
00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:07,400
Don't hate the player, hate the game.
160
00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:10,280
- In fact, we're engaged.
- We're not engaged.
161
00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:12,320
- We're engaged to be engaged.
- Mmm.
162
00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:15,080
Seems...a bit quick.
163
00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:17,840
Actually, Morpheus always had
feelings for me, didn't you?
164
00:09:17,840 --> 00:09:19,600
Since the first day I met you.
165
00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:21,360
So there you have it.
166
00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:23,800
And I would do anything for her.
167
00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:26,760
I would walk through hell
for this woman
168
00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:29,880
and fight Satan
in bare-knuckle combat
169
00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:33,880
until his fiery hooves
tore the skin from my hands!
170
00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:39,040
Fair enough.
171
00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:43,920
- What is wrong with that guy?!
- I just don't know.
172
00:09:43,920 --> 00:09:45,720
He's gone now, mate.
173
00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:49,720
Cool, yeah.
174
00:09:50,480 --> 00:09:54,480
Would you recommend the merlot
or the rioj-er?
175
00:09:58,400 --> 00:10:01,200
Sod all that. Get some ale
down your neck, lad.
176
00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:02,520
Sure.
177
00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:05,280
Thanks.
178
00:10:05,280 --> 00:10:09,280
- Is that a full pint?
- Aye.
179
00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:12,640
A bit surprised to see you here.
180
00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:16,640
Didn't know you could appear in the real world.
Thought we had to meet in that magical forest.
181
00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:19,680
Wish I hadn't now.
This fucking place!
182
00:10:19,680 --> 00:10:22,040
There's a fella over there
sat with no socks on.
183
00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:24,880
If he did that in the tavern,
he'd be cut from nave to chaps.
184
00:10:24,880 --> 00:10:27,040
- Twat!
- Cool.
185
00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:30,320
So, why are you here, spirit guide?
186
00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:33,880
I know what you're up to, Morpheus.
187
00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:36,240
But do you really want to be
the rebound guy?
188
00:10:36,240 --> 00:10:39,280
Well, if I get through the door
as the rebound guy,
189
00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:41,000
it gives me something to build on.
190
00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:44,120
Then, over time, we phase out
the rebound
191
00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:46,360
and I just become the guy
192
00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:47,760
or the husband.
193
00:10:47,760 --> 00:10:49,240
It never works, man.
194
00:10:49,240 --> 00:10:51,520
Take it from somebody who knows
a bit about women.
195
00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:55,200
With all due respect,
you and Catelyn Stark,
196
00:10:55,200 --> 00:10:57,480
that wasn't exactly fireworks, mate.
197
00:10:57,480 --> 00:10:59,880
Watch Lady Chatterley's Lover
then come back to me.
198
00:10:59,880 --> 00:11:02,920
- You were in Lady Chatterley's Lover?
- IMDB, mate.
199
00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:05,800
Fucking hell - GoldenEye!
200
00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:07,120
Wow!
201
00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:10,760
Morpheus...
202
00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:14,000
Heed my advice.
If you go after Alison,
203
00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:17,080
it will end in sorrow.
204
00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:18,480
Sorrow!
205
00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:20,000
Sorrow...
206
00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:21,600
Sorrow...
207
00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:24,160
Sorrow...
208
00:11:24,160 --> 00:11:26,000
SORROW!
209
00:11:26,500 --> 00:11:29,460
- OK, so you know your VAT return?
- Yeah.
210
00:11:29,460 --> 00:11:31,540
What is that?
211
00:11:31,540 --> 00:11:35,540
Oh, right, OK. So, basically, every quarter, you
want to compile all your invoces and receipts...
212
00:11:36,700 --> 00:11:40,500
- Right. - ..make sure they're safe and sound.
If you have a safe, pop them in there.
213
00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:44,500
HIS VOICE BECOMES MUFFLED
214
00:11:46,940 --> 00:11:49,660
Big words, big words, grown-up stuff.
215
00:11:49,660 --> 00:11:51,780
Adult, adult, real man.
216
00:11:51,780 --> 00:11:54,740
Business stuff, financial words,
impressive things.
217
00:11:54,740 --> 00:11:56,860
Impressed, impressed.
218
00:11:56,860 --> 00:11:59,420
Better than Kent.
EVIL LAUGHTER
219
00:11:59,420 --> 00:12:03,420
Witty anecdote, ?50 note...
220
00:12:04,620 --> 00:12:07,900
Spotify Premium? Didn't think so!
221
00:12:07,900 --> 00:12:10,540
I like to keep all my invoices
in a pillow case, cos it...
222
00:12:10,540 --> 00:12:14,420
Remember when you shat yourself
in Physics?
223
00:12:14,420 --> 00:12:17,580
God! Yeah, I haven't thought
about that in a while.
224
00:12:17,580 --> 00:12:20,940
I think about it all the time
and it's still just as funny.
225
00:12:20,940 --> 00:12:23,180
He was 11, though.
226
00:12:23,180 --> 00:12:26,420
Yeah, and he filled his pants with
shit, in front of the whole class!
227
00:12:26,420 --> 00:12:29,500
It's classic! You never lived
that one down, did you?
228
00:12:29,500 --> 00:12:31,580
No, I guess not.
229
00:12:31,580 --> 00:12:33,260
No.
230
00:12:33,260 --> 00:12:35,420
Kent shat himself in a cab last week.
231
00:12:35,420 --> 00:12:37,300
No, that was different.
232
00:12:37,300 --> 00:12:38,980
I was on drugs.
233
00:12:38,980 --> 00:12:42,220
Oh...
234
00:12:42,220 --> 00:12:45,700
- Game of pool? - No, you'll probably
just whip me like you used to.
235
00:12:45,700 --> 00:12:49,700
Don't worry - I'll go easy on ya.
236
00:12:53,820 --> 00:12:57,820
- So, just to clarify, Kent, you are
the yellow balls, right? - Yes!
237
00:12:57,940 --> 00:13:01,460
I cannot believe I'm seven balls up
on Blackwell. Flukey or what?
238
00:13:01,460 --> 00:13:03,180
Or blatant cheating!
239
00:13:03,180 --> 00:13:07,180
- Come on, Maradona. Your shot.
- OK.
240
00:13:08,740 --> 00:13:11,060
Ha! Touched the white!
Two shots to me.
241
00:13:11,060 --> 00:13:13,740
- Shut that face up!
- He's right - I did touch it.
242
00:13:13,740 --> 00:13:15,500
I'm gonna need a rest.
243
00:13:15,500 --> 00:13:17,300
Oh, we don't have a rest.
244
00:13:17,300 --> 00:13:20,820
You haven't got a rest?!
He hasn't got a rest!
245
00:13:20,820 --> 00:13:23,620
Yeah, he's got a pool table, though,
in the pub he owns.
246
00:13:23,620 --> 00:13:26,500
Yeah, but he hasn't got a rest,
have you? You prick!
247
00:13:26,500 --> 00:13:28,660
BALL CLACKS SHARPLY
248
00:13:28,660 --> 00:13:32,660
Come on, Morph, it's now or never.
Just book it.
249
00:13:35,060 --> 00:13:37,940
Z-I-I-IP!
250
00:13:37,940 --> 00:13:41,940
Just book it.
251
00:13:43,260 --> 00:13:45,740
I wanna wake up
252
00:13:45,740 --> 00:13:49,740
In a city that doesn't sleep...
253
00:13:50,580 --> 00:13:54,500
- Don't do it, Morpheus!
- Jesus!
254
00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:57,060
- You're appearing on posters now?
- So what?
255
00:13:57,060 --> 00:13:59,740
Just seems like your rules
are really loose.
256
00:13:59,740 --> 00:14:01,380
I'm Sean Bean. I can do what I like.
257
00:14:01,380 --> 00:14:05,260
About Alison -
you're thinking wi' your...
258
00:14:05,260 --> 00:14:07,660
It's quite an eyeful!
259
00:14:07,660 --> 00:14:10,700
But Alison wants a man
who knows what he wants
260
00:14:10,700 --> 00:14:14,300
and I want to take her to the top of the
Empire State Building on Valentine's Day
261
00:14:14,300 --> 00:14:17,340
and then to that big sandwich place
from When Harry Met Sally.
262
00:14:17,340 --> 00:14:21,340
I'm telling you, Morpheus...
don't book it!
263
00:14:23,100 --> 00:14:25,220
You need to check Groupon first.
264
00:14:25,220 --> 00:14:27,100
Did you just look down again?
265
00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:29,420
No. Just accidentally.
266
00:14:29,420 --> 00:14:33,420
Get out of my head, Sean Bean!
267
00:14:34,820 --> 00:14:38,820
'2005.'
268
00:14:39,220 --> 00:14:41,100
Easy. Miley Cyrus.
269
00:14:41,100 --> 00:14:42,860
You sure it's not Hannah Montana?
270
00:14:42,860 --> 00:14:46,420
Hannah Montana was the character
in the show, you fucking goon!
271
00:14:46,420 --> 00:14:50,420
OK. Miley Cyrus.
272
00:14:51,820 --> 00:14:55,820
Well done, Alistair(!) Just press
the button before we've all decided.
273
00:14:55,900 --> 00:14:59,260
- But you said...
- I was presenting a debate, you helmet.
274
00:14:59,260 --> 00:15:03,260
- For the group to discuss. - We thought you were
team captain. You made a pretty big deal out of that.
275
00:15:03,900 --> 00:15:07,900
Yeah, because I'm better than him.
And I can prove it.
276
00:15:19,340 --> 00:15:23,340
Chins. We both take it in turns to punch each
other in the face until one of us gives up.
277
00:15:23,540 --> 00:15:25,460
I don't know if I want to do that.
278
00:15:25,460 --> 00:15:27,420
What?! You scared or something?
279
00:15:27,420 --> 00:15:30,500
- Gonna piss yourself, like you did
in my paddling pool? - No.
280
00:15:30,500 --> 00:15:34,260
- I just thought we were having a nice night.
- Well, we're not. We're having a fight.
281
00:15:34,260 --> 00:15:36,220
And why has that happened, then?
282
00:15:36,220 --> 00:15:39,900
Because someone needs to realise
who rules the fucking roost around here!
283
00:15:39,900 --> 00:15:42,700
Guys, why not get your dicks out
and measure them instead?
284
00:15:42,700 --> 00:15:45,620
- We don't wanna do that!
- I don't... No. - Come on.
285
00:15:45,620 --> 00:15:47,340
You punch me first.
286
00:15:47,340 --> 00:15:49,100
- You want me to punch you?
- Yeah.
287
00:15:49,100 --> 00:15:50,900
- What - in your face?
- Yeah.
288
00:15:50,900 --> 00:15:54,900
With, like, a closed fist?
289
00:15:56,180 --> 00:15:58,380
- Yeah. - OK.
- Come on, then!
290
00:15:58,380 --> 00:16:00,740
Hit me! Then we'll see
who the big man is.
291
00:16:00,740 --> 00:16:02,740
OK. Um, look...
292
00:16:02,740 --> 00:16:05,140
If you wanna be the big man, you can,
293
00:16:05,140 --> 00:16:06,540
because I'm pulling out.
294
00:16:06,540 --> 00:16:09,220
Look, you're prepared to do this.
I'm not.
295
00:16:09,220 --> 00:16:12,420
So, congratulations -
you win...big man.
296
00:16:12,420 --> 00:16:15,260
Shake on it.
297
00:16:15,260 --> 00:16:19,260
OK, I'll shake on it.
298
00:16:20,700 --> 00:16:23,980
Fuck!
299
00:16:23,980 --> 00:16:25,580
What was that?
300
00:16:25,580 --> 00:16:28,820
A punch.
301
00:16:28,820 --> 00:16:31,180
- While we were shaking hands?
- Yeah.
302
00:16:31,180 --> 00:16:35,180
I did that.
303
00:16:45,980 --> 00:16:47,660
Blackwell!
304
00:16:47,660 --> 00:16:49,820
Alistair!
305
00:16:49,820 --> 00:16:53,820
Let's go and get in the hot tub! He's fucking
me in the ear - he doesn't even mean it!
306
00:16:59,380 --> 00:17:01,140
Hoo!
307
00:17:01,140 --> 00:17:05,140
Ooh, New York...
308
00:17:05,620 --> 00:17:07,260
Alison.
309
00:17:07,260 --> 00:17:11,260
I've got something to tell you
and I want everyone to hear.
310
00:17:12,780 --> 00:17:14,500
I love you.
311
00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:16,660
I've always loved you.
312
00:17:16,660 --> 00:17:19,780
And I can't live another moment
without you knowing.
313
00:17:19,780 --> 00:17:22,140
- Bloody hell, Morph!
- And there's more.
314
00:17:22,140 --> 00:17:25,300
As tomorrow's Valentine's day,
I am taking you...
315
00:17:25,300 --> 00:17:27,260
It's OK, you can drop the act.
316
00:17:27,260 --> 00:17:28,700
The plan worked.
317
00:17:28,700 --> 00:17:32,060
We're back on!
318
00:17:32,060 --> 00:17:34,740
- Really?
- Yeah, it was quite romantic, actually.
319
00:17:34,740 --> 00:17:37,420
He told me he missed me,
then cut off a lock of his hair
320
00:17:37,420 --> 00:17:40,540
and tied it to mine while I was
tugging him off in the bogs.
321
00:17:40,540 --> 00:17:41,820
Aye.
322
00:17:41,820 --> 00:17:43,660
Ohhh!
323
00:17:43,660 --> 00:17:46,780
Well, that is...smashing!
324
00:17:46,780 --> 00:17:50,780
Really fucking smashing!
325
00:17:52,020 --> 00:17:53,780
Bloody hell!
326
00:17:53,780 --> 00:17:56,740
Mazel tov!
327
00:17:56,740 --> 00:18:00,740
So, hot tub?
328
00:18:02,140 --> 00:18:05,940
You make an honest woman of her!
329
00:18:05,940 --> 00:18:09,180
Well...early days, so...
330
00:18:09,180 --> 00:18:13,180
Eh?
331
00:18:14,500 --> 00:18:18,140
Sorry.
332
00:18:18,140 --> 00:18:22,140
I've got shaking hands and shit. Even when he's
being the smaller man, he has to be the biggerman.
333
00:18:22,740 --> 00:18:24,900
Maybe you should have a little cry
about it.
334
00:18:24,900 --> 00:18:28,900
- He's a prick! - Is he, though?
Or maybe you're just a bit jealous.
335
00:18:29,460 --> 00:18:33,460
Jealous?! Of him?!
336
00:18:34,740 --> 00:18:36,460
It's just...
337
00:18:36,460 --> 00:18:39,820
I sleep on your couch, and I've
never got any fucking money.
338
00:18:39,820 --> 00:18:42,220
It's not that bad.
339
00:18:42,220 --> 00:18:45,620
You're penguin master!
340
00:18:45,620 --> 00:18:47,500
No. I made that up.
341
00:18:47,500 --> 00:18:49,900
I'm assistant penguin master.
342
00:18:49,900 --> 00:18:52,860
Does the penguin master
need an assistant?
343
00:18:52,860 --> 00:18:54,420
Not really.
344
00:18:54,420 --> 00:18:57,740
Just makes me clean up
the fish and shit.
345
00:18:57,740 --> 00:19:00,580
Even the fucking Moomin's
doing better than me!
346
00:19:00,580 --> 00:19:03,940
All right, OK, so maybe
he's got all this stuff,
347
00:19:03,940 --> 00:19:07,340
but...he's still a Moomin.
348
00:19:07,340 --> 00:19:10,500
And he looks up to you.
349
00:19:10,500 --> 00:19:14,500
Still want to fucking get him,
though.
350
00:19:21,340 --> 00:19:23,060
Are you...pissing?
351
00:19:23,060 --> 00:19:27,020
Right in his paddling pool!
352
00:19:27,020 --> 00:19:29,700
OK. I'm doing it too!
353
00:19:29,700 --> 00:19:31,980
- Not on me!
- No, I'm pointing it that way!
354
00:19:31,980 --> 00:19:33,980
Point it that way.
355
00:19:39,700 --> 00:19:42,700
Hit a warm spot!
356
00:19:45,420 --> 00:19:47,300
That's weird.
357
00:19:47,300 --> 00:19:50,220
It's an online check-in request
from BA on the shop email.
358
00:19:50,220 --> 00:19:52,900
It's probably spam.
Don't even read it!
359
00:19:52,900 --> 00:19:56,900
Well, no. Apparently there's two tickets booked
to New York for tomorrow for Valentine's Day.
360
00:19:58,060 --> 00:20:00,900
- Give me the phone - I'll show you it's fake.
- Looks pretty real.
361
00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:03,540
Passenger one is you and passenger
two is Alis...
362
00:20:03,540 --> 00:20:07,540
HISSING
363
00:20:08,980 --> 00:20:11,100
..stair!
364
00:20:11,100 --> 00:20:12,820
Alistair.
365
00:20:12,820 --> 00:20:16,500
Alistair.
366
00:20:16,500 --> 00:20:18,020
- Me?
- Yeah.
367
00:20:18,020 --> 00:20:19,860
You're with me, buddy!
368
00:20:19,860 --> 00:20:23,060
It was supposed to be a...
369
00:20:23,060 --> 00:20:24,660
..surprise
370
00:20:24,660 --> 00:20:28,180
to say thank you for...
371
00:20:28,180 --> 00:20:31,980
..such a great night.
372
00:20:31,980 --> 00:20:35,980
- t's a bit weird, mate. - No, it's the normal
thing one friend does for another, Kent.
373
00:20:36,340 --> 00:20:39,300
- For Valentine's Day? - That was
a Groupon. The date was arbitrary.
374
00:20:39,300 --> 00:20:45,300
So, Alistair, what do you say? Because I can
easily cancel it and I might be able to get a refund.
375
00:20:46,900 --> 00:20:50,900
Well... Bloody hell, Morph!
376
00:20:51,460 --> 00:20:53,420
I...I'd love to!
377
00:20:53,420 --> 00:20:57,420
HE LAUGHS MANIACALLY
378
00:21:01,020 --> 00:21:04,620
This is really happening!
379
00:21:04,620 --> 00:21:06,140
We...we...
380
00:21:06,140 --> 00:21:08,260
are going to New York together.
381
00:21:08,260 --> 00:21:10,620
- In four hours!
- Mazel tov!
382
00:21:10,620 --> 00:21:12,860
The Big Apple!
383
00:21:12,860 --> 00:21:15,780
Start spreading the news
384
00:21:15,780 --> 00:21:18,260
THEY HUM ALONG
385
00:21:18,260 --> 00:21:22,260
I'm leaving today
386
00:21:22,540 --> 00:21:26,540
I want to be a part of it
387
00:21:29,220 --> 00:21:33,220
New York...
388
00:21:40,820 --> 00:21:43,020
Look - Times Square!
389
00:21:43,020 --> 00:21:44,660
Woo!
390
00:21:44,660 --> 00:21:46,620
Brooklyn Bridge...Rockefeller...
391
00:21:46,620 --> 00:21:49,900
There's a shop!
392
00:21:49,900 --> 00:21:51,780
We're actually in the hood!
393
00:21:51,780 --> 00:21:53,420
Morph's just chillin'.
394
00:21:53,420 --> 00:21:57,420
Oh, my God, Morph! Try it on!
395
00:21:57,740 --> 00:22:00,860
- Looks amazing.
- Thanks.
396
00:22:00,860 --> 00:22:02,660
Oh, look, Morph! Morph!
397
00:22:02,660 --> 00:22:04,740
I'm walking here.
398
00:22:04,740 --> 00:22:07,620
He we are in an authentic
American diner.
399
00:22:07,620 --> 00:22:09,860
I'll have what he's having.
400
00:22:09,860 --> 00:22:12,220
ALISTAIR LAUGHS
401
00:22:12,220 --> 00:22:14,500
Here's the master suite hotel room.
402
00:22:14,500 --> 00:22:18,300
That's our bed - double. Two lads,
bit awkward, but hilarious.
403
00:22:18,300 --> 00:22:20,700
There's Morph!
MORPH SOBS
404
00:22:20,700 --> 00:22:24,060
He's loving life.
405
00:22:24,060 --> 00:22:27,620
No, I think he's feeling
a bit overwhelmed.
406
00:22:27,620 --> 00:22:29,940
You all right, Morph?
407
00:22:29,940 --> 00:22:32,660
Get out!
408
00:22:32,660 --> 00:22:36,660
And find I'm king of the hill
409
00:22:37,340 --> 00:22:41,300
Top of the heap
410
00:22:41,300 --> 00:22:45,300
These little town blues
411
00:22:45,700 --> 00:22:49,660
Are melting away...
412
00:22:49,660 --> 00:22:57,500
I'll make a brand new start of it
413
00:22:57,550 --> 00:23:02,100
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